Will My (bad) Relationship with My Ex Affect My Claim for Custody or Access of Our Children?

The short answer is YES. Your claim for custody can be affected. But the long answer is a bit more complicated and depends on your situation and priorities.

The quality of your relationship and communication with your ex is a key criterion that the courts will consider when making an Order for custody and/or access, although the impacts on custody and access are very different.

Impacts on Claim For Custody and Access

For custody, a poor relationship and conflictual communication will tend to result in Orders for sole custody in favour of the party that has primary residence of the child. For access, poor communication does not justify more or less access, but does tend to promote the Ordering of more fixed access schedules. The benefit of a fixed schedule is that it prevents parties from communicating as much as they would do otherwise; the downside is that they do not facilitate the kind of flexibility that may be preferable and available if the parties are able to coordinate on an ongoing basis as the child(ren) grow up.

If you have a claim for custody and are seeking custody and the child(ren) do not primarily reside with you, it is in your best interests to reduce conflict between yourself and your ex as much as possible and to keep it to a minimum going forward.

Ironically, if you have primary residence, a conflictual relationship may secure sole custody for you. This will not benefit you however in terms of access and it is damaging to the child(ren) for their parents to be unable to model a healthy relationship (despite the many valid reasons for you and your ex to be in conflict).

What About the Court Process?

Depending on how bad your relationship and communication is, you may end up in otherwise unnecessary mediations and additional court dates as a result of failing to make progress in less difficult and contentious ways.

You can end up outside of the negotiation and consent-oriented phases of your court proceedings earlier than necessary and may end up incurring more costs as a result. This is because issues that could have been relatively simple to negotiate resolutions to on consent may go unresolved and end up being dealt with within the trial process.

Marriage is Temporary, Children are Forever

Poor communication and relationships between parties tend to increase the difficulty and time consumed by coordinating and negotiating access. This will not only impact you throughout the court proceeding but will also likely cause you to rely on fixed court-ordered schedules rather than enabling the parties to be accommodating of one another for the benefit of each party and the child(ren) until the child(ren) are old enough to make up their own minds about when they want to spend with each parent.

It is important to not enflame your relationship with your ex in a jaded attempt to benefit yourself in the court proceedings as the risk of causing damage and anxiety for your child(ren) as a result is high. Furthermore, the courts will know what you are up to and may punish you for being unreasonable.

Learn more about Quick Divorce and how you can get a divorce quickly and affordably.